"H" is for...

"H" is for Hope and "H" is also for heartbreak.
which would you like to hear about first in the alphabetical lesson about Africa?

so i was recently in Swaziland for 3 weeks....and its 5 days since I've returned and part of me is still standing here going "what just happened to me?" based on that i am just going to quote right from my journal rather then try to write something orignal

hope or heartbreak hope or heartbreak....

Hope

Nov. 5
so...so
This morning nomsa (the home base care coordinator and person i stayed with) came got me for breakfast and some of the volunteers have already arrived for the meeting. They are so cute, all bundled up in there blankets and jackets because its like.... plus 8 and they are freezing!

anyway as we are getting the meeting started one of the ladies starts singing and as i watch i them i'm hardcore choking back tears, these ladies are so beatufiul and i cant imagine the pride God has in them...

3 of theses ladies are easily as old as oma and where using canes, yet they walk those distances, carry those food parcels and they love the orphans like Jesus would have....I was humbled to be with them.

I stood up to start talking to them and i wanted to encourage them,i probably freaked them out because i was crying but i told them that i wanted to be like them, that i want to be giving like they are. I told them that i could write a "book" about spirituality and pleasing God like so many people do, but it would simply say "Go see the ladies in Swaziland,see how they give and are a example for there community and for me"

I encouraged them to keep going and that when they see God he is going to look at them and say "well done my daughter"

it was beautiful to be with them....

as you are reading this you might be going...i don't get it...and its hard to try to explain but these ladies walk huge distances all the time to visits vulnerable children in there community...the use what they have which is not a lot to take care of children that are not theirs....they are incredible

Hope

3 Nov

"when people look at me the wouldn't think i would be the one to do this work, i am not educated, i don't have money, but me and God have a secret you see..."

Nomsa said that last night and i keeps running through my head "me and God have a secret" i like that...

If God and Nomsa are the ones with this secret then we can surely have hopes that soon enough all these tears will be dried and the suffering with stop.

Heartbreak

13 Nov

"its to hard....i dont want to see anymore"
im thinking thisas we walk away from the first home visit with liez and jon.
we went and picked up roster (pronuced ro-sta) and went to visit one of her patients.
We pull up to a homestead that looks fairly weathly on the right side and run down mud huts on the left.

we wait at the gates as Roster goes in and greets people on the right.Nomsa starts telling the story of the girl as we wait.
"she is very sick and there is no food and no one to cook for her anyway...she had a baby last month...the hospital took it away because she is upset in the mind"

"how old is the patient?"

"i'm not sure roster knows"

as we wait a girl, who looks between 16 and 18, walks from the left side, she is extremly sick looking, very thing and has a hard time walking. She heard Roster's voice and was scared she would leave without coming to see her.

We go over to one of the shacks...inside smells dirty and there is a pile of dirty blankets on one side and a wooden bed fram with a old foam matress on the other. There is a Gogo sitting on the floor and the girls sits in the pile of blankets. Roster and Nomsa set up some mats so we can sit with them.

We begin to talk and i look around, Nomsa mentions that the walls are ready to crumble from the recent rain.. They slowly begun to tell us the story of what is happening here, the people on the right do not care at all for these ladies.

There are bags of maize along the wall which is confusing after hearing that the girl is not eating but they explain that the Gogo's son bring the maize and other food but she will not share it withe the girl.
Roster has brought some soft porridge and has to spoon fed the girl after mixing in some sort of medicine.
As i am taking this scene in i can not even imagine what this girl is going through, she is 22. She is so young and she can barly take care of herself...I keep making eye contact with her trying to some how tell her that i am here because of love and that i am so sorry if she is uncomfortable.

after the food her heavy breathing is getting easier.
Nomsa says "now we can pray"

"dont pick me dont pick me dont pick me" i think to myself
"Lacey can you please pray?"

I start to pray and i try so hard not to cry.
what do i pray for them?
I pray quickly asking God to make his love and presence known and thanking him that i dont have to know the answer and that i can run to him

I go to the girl and say "stay well" and rub her shoulder.
what else can i do?

i walk quickly to the car "this is to hard...i dont want to see anymore" i think

but when does Lili get to say "this is to hard" she doesnt. So i also have to keep going.

Again i dont know if this touches you or if you had to be there...but i am still trying to figure out how to deal with what happened...this girl is never far from my mind and i am praying that God will bless her daily.
I am so grateful and so in awe of the volunteers who do this everyday. They bring such hope.

Heartbreak

13 nov

after lunch we go to the hammer mill to grind maize for who nomsa is calling "Lacey's Gogo"
she is referring to a little old lady who cant see who lives down the road from where Nomsa stays.
The other day i went on a home visit with Glory and we visited this same Gogo and when we came to the house she was working hard to grind maize. Glory and I took over and I thanked God that we where able to make life that tiny bit easier for her.

I was really happy when nomsa said we could bring her some already ground maize.
When we arrived she had locked herself in her house, Baba Lukhele (nomsa's husband) told us later that she locks herself in every day until her grandchild come home because once 3 men came and threatened her and she is to scared to be out of her home.

Anyway when we sit and Nomsa shows her the maize she lets out such a joyful noise and then she crawls to kiss all our hands
"How good is God that he brings you here to care for me?" she tells Nomsa in siswati....

how good is God that he lets me experience these thing? I have been changed forever i will never be able to live for solely myself with out hating myself and i praise God for it.



"H" is for hope and heartbreak.