the far side

wow....i just had this whole blog all typed up and then wam...deleted out of no where and i dont even know how or why! that does not help the teen anxiet, which just happened to be the topic of this blog.

for the past week or so i have been having this whirling crazy feeling inside my heart...i have been confused about what it means to be real and its driving me slightly crazy.

I had come to the conclusion that i have cheated myself out of the whole story, the whole process of following Christ....I think like everything(well maybe not everything but like...alot) about me up to two years ago was really just a person desiring the "spiritual person" image....and i think that has given me a corrupt foundation....so reacantly i have "started" over with Jesus....asking HIM(not others)to show me who he is...and wow...we've only just started but he's a pretty big deal im not going to lie.
i also asked him what is life? how do you want me to live?
and oh gosh....gotta go deeper but dont know how...got to get more uncomfortable but im scared.

the other day i had a conversation with this wonderful lady who helps us run our after school program and i told her that i feel like i have to talk "extreme" not to like impress people but to use that to push myself...i want the things i say to be real and i want to do the things i say i will do.

these thoughts are slightly broken up but maybe someone will get what i am trying to say.

"Being a christian is about choosing Jesus and deciding to do something incrediably daring with your life"

"there are those of us who, rather than simply reject pop evangelicalism, want to spread another kind of Christianity, a faith that has as much to say about this world as it does the next"

"we are thirsty for social justice and peace but have a hard time finding a faith community that reconizez that there are "moral issues" other than homosexuality and abortion,moral issues like war and poverty"

"I had become a "believer" but i had no idea what it means to be a follower.People had taught me what christians believe but no one had told me how christians live"


These quotes/thoughts and many others have been plaguing/sanding/breaking/building/preparing me lately and i would love to hear anyone elses thoughts.

sashlagoshla(stay well)