reflect what you believe

i want you between me and the feeling i get when i miss you...

2009-05-05T18:52:00.001-07:00

Blogging...i've started blogging on a new blog, the url is reflectwhatyoubelieve.blogspot.com

although you should still keep checking this one cause as I "process"(whatver that means) africa i will post stories that i havent yet.

Love

something on the road...

2009-04-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

as i was sitting on the plane starting to slightly freak out, i felt it so clearly being pointed out to me that i had love coming at me from every direction.

Dear Hands family
every day I realize more and more how much you blessed me.
(heart)
-Lacey

its weird being home and its only getting weirded...i had a odd sobbing attack today in starbucks that was totally unexpected and my first real emotional experiance since being back, so we will see what continues to unfold but yeah, I said confidently that Jesus has africa covered and i believe that, now i just need to continue to remind my heart that and see whats next.

but yeah
i dont make sense anymore.

love love love love

debating

2009-03-13T05:10:00.000-07:00

11/March

Its funny how, like nothing is going to be as real as "the moment". I will not be able to accurately explain emotion and the things going through my head and the pictures i take will not fully capture the beauty and "feeling" of its object.

Today i went to cork and I'm so glad i went even though it cost me a day at the hospice and i really wasn't that into the idea.

we arrived at the home base care center and greeted each volunteer with a hand shake and a hug and started to sing as we sang one of the volunteers, Priscella, set up two benches and brought the children out of a class room.

I've never been so struck by beauty as i was with these little ones who crowded each other, giggled and whispered in there mother tongue.
They where told "we are praying" and they all stood up and closed there eyes, i watched them and there was this one little girl who kept getting distracted and looking around and then suddenly remembering they where praying and squeezing her eyes closed so tightly.

I at first thought i would go on home base care but there little ones drew me to them and i decided to stay with the,. Priscella told me it was "class time" and they sat in a little semi circle and sang a song that said "i want to be like Jesus" (its funny cause they dont even know what it means) and then Priscella told them the story of "AAdam and Eva"
I sat beside her and watched one little boy who was getting kind of antsy and his chair was eventually moved near mine, after several minutes i ended up holding his hand "the African way" which is my left in his gripping his thumb with his gripping mine, as i looked down at his little hand i remembered how just last night i pictured myself holding hands like that with Jesus, just as the thought floated through my head the little boy kissed my thumb and i nearly bawled.
As we continued the teacher had them repeating Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" and they went through and said it individually, it was really more of a screaming compatition and it took several children for me to realize what the they where actually saying, when one would sit down the teacher would tell me their name and situauon and what she was telling me reminded me of this album called "beauty in destruction" how can these beautiful (screaming) children exsist in this destruction of their familits, their country...maybe their future?

love

2009-02-22T03:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Africa

Happy one year anniversary!I love you!

this year has been such a strange mix of joy and heartbreak but...so incrediable...im so appreciative of where God's brought me and where i have met him....

ngi yaku tzandza kuhulu!

-Lacey

Goodnight and go

2009-02-15T09:25:00.000-08:00

There are many many many things i appreciate about africa...peri peri chips, the fact that i havent worn shoes for like 3 weeks,big eyes, being called "skim" and "shuma", riding in the back of bakkie (pick up trucks) for two hours as i said...many things.

One thing i really really appreciate though is, the community of volunteers and how through this experiance i have met soo many different people! so many different cool people!

and i want to introduce you to some of them through there blogs.

start at the start and keep time ever time...

Dara, Laura and Callan, where my first roomates and in the same intake as me, Dara and Laura spent 9 months in mozimbique and callan stayed here!
sadly they have all gone home but its good to read back on what they have written

I had many Roomates Between them and the next batch of blogs, Karen from USA, Mary from ont. Byron from calgary, Hendri from holland, Darryl from canada, Morgan from Canada

So around aug the new footprinters arrived and it was myself, Heather from calgary, Alisha from outside edmonton, and two american Emily and Jessie
Heather has gone home and im so excited to hang out with her when im back

Alisha and Emily went to Zambia
(Alisha doesnt like to write stuff but she does take alot of pictures!)
(emily has recently become involved with a little boy who was very sick, the story is def something to check out)

sadly Jessie (who is currently my roomate) does not have a blog but she does write many stories on the hands website in the news room, on this page you will be able to find many stories from volunteers with hands across africa and also a blog for George (the CEO) a month after Jessie and the girls arrived a new arrival joined there intake,
Hannah
/ is currently in mozimbique

some where amidst this all Kristal arrived from saskatoon to work with Darryl in the forward education program

recently Louise also from saskatoon has arrived:

she has written a blog about her community stay in bushbuck ridge that really breaks my heart, and i know we all want to have broken hearts so please check it out.

along with Louise arrived Mike from saskatoon...whats up with this? and Danny from england...(neither have blogs)

we also can not forget about Brooke and Jed, a couple with peace corp (i wish canada had peace corp)

Laura's Blog (different laura) is also full of stories that will inspire you
we havent been in africa at the same time but im sure it will happen sooner or later...

now please go meet these people who i love

everyone look whats going down

2009-01-31T04:40:00.000-08:00

looking back..

Nov 27

I don't know if this is going to be a over spiritual-i-zation of a completely normal even but here i go.

I have completely lost my voice, i can only speak in the smallest whisper, my throat doesn't hurt i just can not speak.
Stanley was being so sweet, every time i tried to speak he would put his arm around my shoulder and lean his ear close so i wouldn't have to strain to much,
Anyway So I'm thinking about "the voiceless" and how the Bible says we must be a voice for the voiceless, but im thinking we have to add to this idea, we also have to actively crane our necks to hear that voice because for some reason this hugely important message is only communicated in a whisper so easily drowned out by other things...

4 seasons in one day

2009-01-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

Its strange...Im blinking back tears of joy over making a bed, organizing a linen closet and peeling vegetables.
The past two Wednesdays i have been volunteering at ACTS Hospice...and i come back so happy.

When i was there last week I visited with two patients imparticular and i told them i would bring them a postcard of Calgary and a picture of snow to show them this week...i guess i wasn't thinking...apparently patient turn over happens very quickly...i was devastated when i walked in this morning and i didn't know anyone...
"know wherever this is comfort there is pain"
i guess it was due to my own silly ness but yeah...i dont know...i dont even know what i am talking about anymore...

Africa is cool and Jesus...well the guy is my best friend, and he is SO cool.
Pray for me

the wind and the rain

2009-01-12T05:11:00.000-08:00

(When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.) (matt 14:27-19)

you see....Jesus doesn't tell Peter "wait peter till you are better...till you know more scripture, till you've preached to more people, till you've stopped sinning, till you are better"
He doesn't say to Peter "Peter this is how i am going to keep you safe, this is the science/ the magic of what i will do to help you walk on this water"

He says "Come"

I want to go...I'm so ready to just follow....
I don't care about going to school, having a career and stability...i just want to Go.
But i want to Go the way God wants...i want to walk beside Jesus as i go and i just don't know how to hear him....

I have the opportunity to stay in Africa till July i just don't know if its the right thing....I have an opportunity to go a stay with a really cool community of faith in Philly, i have an opportunity to go home and apply to go to school to become a social work....but what does Jesus want from me?

I need prayer cause i don't know what to do...

I'm so open to do whatever!
and i am also so content with my life...I've never trusted God more....he knows my needs before i do and he has totally taken care of me....

anyway...Friends if God hands your my road map please pass along the directions...

what about the Bells?

2009-01-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

Jan 1 2009
Modern day Jesus has kind of been a theme in my reading lately, with books like "the shack" and "Messiah of Morris avenue"

but today i saw something that made me think of modern day Jesus...

we arrived in Kitwe after a ridiculously insanely lame bus ride, where we waited 3 hours for the bus to fill and then another 3 hours to get there, all the while the chickens and children on the bus are squawking, we arrive to a brightly shining smiling James. Who brought us to a guest house and then took us to his own home.

I'm going fast but i don't' know how to tell this story.

James was only expecting two of us and it was cool to see how "whatever" it was that we where four.
Anyway! he took us to his home where we met his beautiful family and chatted for a bit. After a few minutes we decided to go into Mulanga, where they run their home base care and feeding scheme, its been raining so the track from his home to where we are headed is mud city, James joked about how the need to budget for gum boots, so needless to say the four of us in flip flops got very muddy and it turned out that the path was impassable due to the hugest puddle known to man.

So we trek it back up to James' house and he brings out buckets of water for us to wash our feet and he eventually washes Jessie's shoes...it just put a new twist on the Bible story of Jesus' washing his disciples feet and you can see the one James serves shine through him.

Jan 2
I am so impressed and inspired. I asked James as a joke if i could move into his house, because i want to stay here! i just want to do home base care and hang out with the children.
This morning James came and got us and we went to whats pretty much there home base care head quarters, its a home that they run there feeding program out of. Inside lives a lady they call "Mama Junior" (apparently in Zambian culture they just refer to you as mother of so and so, so her sons name is junior that's why they call her that)
Mama Junior cooks for all the children in the feeding program and lets many of them stay in the house with her.
It was so cool because it was like all these different people giving what they could for the benefit of the children.

We did two really quick home visits and it was cool, this is what you would call a slum, its kind of like a isolated township inside a city, the paths are muddy and "streamy" and full of garbage and after about 5 seconds we had a parade of children following us.
it was so surreal

Its strange/awesome how chatting with people brings out different points or sensory details.
I was talking with Alisha and she brought up how she was so impressed with the way the volunteers interacted with the Children.
Pastor Blessings would always hold any child that was any where near him, on our first home visit there was a little toddler soaked in pee and he just held her....In Africa "Pastor" is generally a hugely held up title and from what i have seen of lots of pastors they wouldn't have done it...but here is this man taking Jesus seriously. So inspiring!
also we where walking along and this one girl recognized Crispan and her face just totally lit up and she ran and flung herself into his arm, it was cool to see these things because like...you could tell they weren't just putting on a show...this is there being!

there's a log on the fire...

2008-12-29T04:23:00.000-08:00

where do i even begin?

Christmas in Africa has been super cool, that doesn't mean i haven't missed my family and friends like crazy though.

i will start at the start and keep time every time (as Stanley would put it)

Jessie and I took a very uneventful bus and plane trip from nelspruit to joburg to livingstone.
Once arriving in Livingstone we met our friends, Alisha and Emily who are hands volunteers in zambia, and proceeded to wait for our shuttle from the hostel...as we wait it started to rain and the shuttle has sent a open safari vehical to pick us up....needless to say we got pretty wet but it was for sure a fun start!

we got to our hostel (a hostel i would totally recommend to anyone who ever goes to livingstone)
and just kind of chilled around.

The next day we headed off for our day at Victoria falls...man was that cool...the falls are fricken huge! as we where walking around the falls we checked out the Bridge we where going to bunjee jump from....thats when i started to panic....so after a little more looking at the falls we head over to the bunjee jumping place...when you go to the bridge you technically have to leave zambia and enter no mans land, so thats what we did...for me it was really strange to stand on the bridge and look over at zimbabwe and imagine whats going on there right now...

anyway downer...so we pay for the bunjee and head over to the bridge...the whole time i talked all this trash about how "i must go first! im not going to look down im just going to do it!" yeah when push came to shove i was like "Jessie you go first i will go next" and even then i was like "K emily you go next and then i will go"

so im all harnessed up and i go out on the platform where they do some more ropes and tell you a few things "cool its all good"
THEN i get out onto the little platform you jump off....i start screaming....like i couldnt even control myself....Fear had totally taken control of me and i just screamed...(ever time i watch the video of this it really creeps me out and the same panic rises in my chest) The attendants undid me and i went to sit on the side, i told them i would do it after two other people who where waiting...the whole time i was just like "I dont have to do it....yeah i paid and i want get my money back but i really can not do this..."

I did it....i totally distracted myself talking to the workers and then i just did it....holy cow....why do people do this? like seriously it was fun but.....who thought of this whole thing...i dont get it....it was actually pretty insane and im glad i did it it was just like....a challenge hahaha

the other tourist activity we did was called "The sunset cruise" it was lots of fun...we actually got really close to this crocile and i say a hippo charge another small boat...pretty crazy....

For actual christmas we where in a place called Lusaka staying at a backpackers called "Chachacha" im pretty sure i have bed bug bites from the bed there but other then that it was totally fine...i actually enjoyed it.
Christmas eve we just kind of hung out there with all this misfit zambians and chilled.
Christmas day we made ourself some nice breakfast and headed to this place called "Arcades" where this was a huge crowd of people and nothing to do...eventually we left there to go for dinner at a chinese place....the food there was incrediable! we ordered 10 sprinrolls hahaha

that kind of sums up my christmas....currently i am in Kebwa where emily and alisha live, we are just going to chill and watch movie and hang out (there really isnt anything to do here)
I hope to spend some chill time with Jesus cause he's planting some intense stuff in my heart that i would like to figure out sooner then later.

i hope you guys had a sweet christmas.

ps I would like to put it out there then when i have contact from home it makes me soooo happy....im not exactly homesick but i really miss all you guys and it would be sweet to get a few email updates

also check out my bunjee photos
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=197919&l=36334&id=567405623

deck the halls and bruise your hand

2008-12-19T04:39:00.000-08:00

I'm bad at updating....

I have a seriously bad sunburn, I'm wearing flip flops, the grass is green and there are flowers on some of the tree...how on earth can it be Christmas?
tomorrow me and my roommate Jessie will be traveling to Livingstone Zambia to spend Christmas and New years with some of our good friends Alisha and Emily.

I'm looking forward to it be a good time of rest because I'm quite exhausted. Which i don't really understand the exhaustion considering things have way slowed down...

We've done three camps this month and Stanley has had a real focus on Baptism and it turns out totally last minute at the first camp i got Baptized. It was a really awesome experience cause i was baptized by one of my favorite people with a group of some of my favorite people at one of my favorite places. (PS there are pictures of this on face book at this following link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=192494&l=3df8c&id=567405623)

i have other things i could write about but i am to all over the place

Merry Christmas and all the jazz to everyone

"H" is for...

2008-11-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

"H" is for Hope and "H" is also for heartbreak.
which would you like to hear about first in the alphabetical lesson about Africa?

so i was recently in Swaziland for 3 weeks....and its 5 days since I've returned and part of me is still standing here going "what just happened to me?" based on that i am just going to quote right from my journal rather then try to write something orignal

hope or heartbreak hope or heartbreak....

Hope

Nov. 5
so...so
This morning nomsa (the home base care coordinator and person i stayed with) came got me for breakfast and some of the volunteers have already arrived for the meeting. They are so cute, all bundled up in there blankets and jackets because its like.... plus 8 and they are freezing!

anyway as we are getting the meeting started one of the ladies starts singing and as i watch i them i'm hardcore choking back tears, these ladies are so beatufiul and i cant imagine the pride God has in them...

3 of theses ladies are easily as old as oma and where using canes, yet they walk those distances, carry those food parcels and they love the orphans like Jesus would have....I was humbled to be with them.

I stood up to start talking to them and i wanted to encourage them,i probably freaked them out because i was crying but i told them that i wanted to be like them, that i want to be giving like they are. I told them that i could write a "book" about spirituality and pleasing God like so many people do, but it would simply say "Go see the ladies in Swaziland,see how they give and are a example for there community and for me"

I encouraged them to keep going and that when they see God he is going to look at them and say "well done my daughter"

it was beautiful to be with them....

as you are reading this you might be going...i don't get it...and its hard to try to explain but these ladies walk huge distances all the time to visits vulnerable children in there community...the use what they have which is not a lot to take care of children that are not theirs....they are incredible

Hope

3 Nov

"when people look at me the wouldn't think i would be the one to do this work, i am not educated, i don't have money, but me and God have a secret you see..."

Nomsa said that last night and i keeps running through my head "me and God have a secret" i like that...

If God and Nomsa are the ones with this secret then we can surely have hopes that soon enough all these tears will be dried and the suffering with stop.

Heartbreak

13 Nov

"its to hard....i dont want to see anymore"
im thinking thisas we walk away from the first home visit with liez and jon.
we went and picked up roster (pronuced ro-sta) and went to visit one of her patients.
We pull up to a homestead that looks fairly weathly on the right side and run down mud huts on the left.

we wait at the gates as Roster goes in and greets people on the right.Nomsa starts telling the story of the girl as we wait.
"she is very sick and there is no food and no one to cook for her anyway...she had a baby last month...the hospital took it away because she is upset in the mind"

"how old is the patient?"

"i'm not sure roster knows"

as we wait a girl, who looks between 16 and 18, walks from the left side, she is extremly sick looking, very thing and has a hard time walking. She heard Roster's voice and was scared she would leave without coming to see her.

We go over to one of the shacks...inside smells dirty and there is a pile of dirty blankets on one side and a wooden bed fram with a old foam matress on the other. There is a Gogo sitting on the floor and the girls sits in the pile of blankets. Roster and Nomsa set up some mats so we can sit with them.

We begin to talk and i look around, Nomsa mentions that the walls are ready to crumble from the recent rain.. They slowly begun to tell us the story of what is happening here, the people on the right do not care at all for these ladies.

There are bags of maize along the wall which is confusing after hearing that the girl is not eating but they explain that the Gogo's son bring the maize and other food but she will not share it withe the girl.
Roster has brought some soft porridge and has to spoon fed the girl after mixing in some sort of medicine.
As i am taking this scene in i can not even imagine what this girl is going through, she is 22. She is so young and she can barly take care of herself...I keep making eye contact with her trying to some how tell her that i am here because of love and that i am so sorry if she is uncomfortable.

after the food her heavy breathing is getting easier.
Nomsa says "now we can pray"

"dont pick me dont pick me dont pick me" i think to myself
"Lacey can you please pray?"

I start to pray and i try so hard not to cry.
what do i pray for them?
I pray quickly asking God to make his love and presence known and thanking him that i dont have to know the answer and that i can run to him

I go to the girl and say "stay well" and rub her shoulder.
what else can i do?

i walk quickly to the car "this is to hard...i dont want to see anymore" i think

but when does Lili get to say "this is to hard" she doesnt. So i also have to keep going.

Again i dont know if this touches you or if you had to be there...but i am still trying to figure out how to deal with what happened...this girl is never far from my mind and i am praying that God will bless her daily.
I am so grateful and so in awe of the volunteers who do this everyday. They bring such hope.

Heartbreak

13 nov

after lunch we go to the hammer mill to grind maize for who nomsa is calling "Lacey's Gogo"
she is referring to a little old lady who cant see who lives down the road from where Nomsa stays.
The other day i went on a home visit with Glory and we visited this same Gogo and when we came to the house she was working hard to grind maize. Glory and I took over and I thanked God that we where able to make life that tiny bit easier for her.

I was really happy when nomsa said we could bring her some already ground maize.
When we arrived she had locked herself in her house, Baba Lukhele (nomsa's husband) told us later that she locks herself in every day until her grandchild come home because once 3 men came and threatened her and she is to scared to be out of her home.

Anyway when we sit and Nomsa shows her the maize she lets out such a joyful noise and then she crawls to kiss all our hands
"How good is God that he brings you here to care for me?" she tells Nomsa in siswati....

how good is God that he lets me experience these thing? I have been changed forever i will never be able to live for solely myself with out hating myself and i praise God for it.

"H" is for hope and heartbreak.

i dont even have a clever title...

2008-10-24T08:02:00.001-07:00

oh blog oh bother!
I dont even know where to begin....what have i been doing for the last while? hmmmm well! i turned 19, an experiance that came with a wonderful and extremaly creative party/treasure hunt put on by my clever friends.(thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes!)

I have also moved! i no longer live at beloved westmont cottage. I have moved (with my crazy amount of belonging that i need to get rid of) up to hands village...its nice....its different...

This sunday i will be embarking on a journy to swaziland...one of the only remaining kingdoms on earth you know.
I will be "capacity building" in on of the Home base cares there....i feel...kind of prepared? but ask me when i come back.
(this could be a point of prayer for people because all in all im rather nervous about going out and being by myself for 3 weeks :( )

when i come back i promise the most awesome blog ever, i just thought i would give a quick quick update!

ps South Africa has the sweetest most intense thunder storms you will ever experiance in your whole life!!!

one two three four tell me that you love me more

2008-09-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

I didnt really know what to write so im just directly quoting the stories/thoughts and prayers from my journal

Sept 13
"I dont know how to be a mother" i Had this thought today after the second child in a few hours said i was like there mother.

First Nokubonga, I think she said i was like her mother because i would hug her back, she has a strong personality and i dont know if people really know how to deal with her. Thinking about her makes me what to cry, she is a only child, orphaned and living with a ver sick Gogo.

Second was Emmanuel. Emmanuel is 17, taking care of his two younger brothers, and fighting with his Gogo for the child care grant.

I really dont know how he gets by...first he took me aside to tell me about the problems with his Gogo and I said I would Speak to his childcare worker and try to make a plan, then later he pulled me aside and was like "you are my mother i need to tell you all my problems, Lacey I have no Food, I have nothing to give my brothers either"

After asking both Stanley and Musi for advice, Alisha and i went and bought him a few vegatables and bread, it wasnt much...actually in the big scheme of things it wasnt anything but i need to fing a more sustainable solution.

My heart is truely truelt broken, and for a while there i was really angry, Angry in a way that may seem selfish, I was thinking "why do i have to deal with this? why do i have to be the one to struggle with the decision of who to buy food for? is this not something the body of christ took care of a long time ago?"

But I guess I'm the one with the experiance, I'm the one who got to take care of Jesus in "the least of these"

My heart is broken, My heart is broken, My heart is broken.

Dear Jesus
Im Confused and broken and hurting because i know the broken hearted-ness that i feel is nothing compared to the hurt you feel...and mine really hurts
You love Nokubonga and Emmanuel far more then me or anyone...i dont know what to do.
Please Jesus, Be Nokubonga's comfort, be her friend when she is alone.
Please Jesus,Best friend, be Emmanuels strenght and his hope when things are hard.
-Lacey

Sept 14
I've Burst into tears randomly at least 7 times today, this whole thing with Emmanuel has shook me alot more theni even realized.

sept 18
I went out fro lunch with a friend today and we where talking about how we messure success, and how it can get kind of scewed into this thing of "how big did my program get?" "how many people did i reach?" and how that so cant be how we look at things.

I was just thinking about Linkie. the other day she was telling me about one of her neighbors that she goes to visit to help her take her ARV's so she wont default....what a success! what a beautiful accomplishment!

Because every- 1 matters, God has this big plan for every- 1, he brought me to africa to hold modisa's hand when she was crying at the camp, he brougth me to africa to buy emmanuel bread, to give nokubonga and bongi hugs, to wash pai pai out of clerences hair and to play with princess in the creche, because every- 1 matters....

for the past few days i was feeling a little bit down, after a conversation i had with someone where i felt they where saying they need more skilled people to do the job im doing, i felt bad cause im like "ug! this program could run better if someone with better qualifcations was doing it, if only i could do dot dot dot" but then i rememebered i dont care about that stuff i dont care if i dont have certain sicks....God brought me here to love people....

"So let in the light wherever, whenever you can. And after cultivating the glow for a while, let it go,let it flow, transmit it, and you're sure to receive more along the way, just keep on loving thats the bottom line. Everything is here because of love. That's why we were created- to love!
Love Keeps things going now, and for forever. Love sets us out on our journey and ensures our safe return. Go with the Flow, keep pace with the lovebeats of the heart
-Robert Lax"

the far side

2008-09-05T08:49:00.001-07:00

wow....i just had this whole blog all typed up and then wam...deleted out of no where and i dont even know how or why! that does not help the teen anxiet, which just happened to be the topic of this blog.

for the past week or so i have been having this whirling crazy feeling inside my heart...i have been confused about what it means to be real and its driving me slightly crazy.

I had come to the conclusion that i have cheated myself out of the whole story, the whole process of following Christ....I think like everything(well maybe not everything but like...alot) about me up to two years ago was really just a person desiring the "spiritual person" image....and i think that has given me a corrupt foundation....so reacantly i have "started" over with Jesus....asking HIM(not others)to show me who he is...and wow...we've only just started but he's a pretty big deal im not going to lie.
i also asked him what is life? how do you want me to live?
and oh gosh....gotta go deeper but dont know how...got to get more uncomfortable but im scared.

the other day i had a conversation with this wonderful lady who helps us run our after school program and i told her that i feel like i have to talk "extreme" not to like impress people but to use that to push myself...i want the things i say to be real and i want to do the things i say i will do.

these thoughts are slightly broken up but maybe someone will get what i am trying to say.

"Being a christian is about choosing Jesus and deciding to do something incrediably daring with your life"

"there are those of us who, rather than simply reject pop evangelicalism, want to spread another kind of Christianity, a faith that has as much to say about this world as it does the next"

"we are thirsty for social justice and peace but have a hard time finding a faith community that reconizez that there are "moral issues" other than homosexuality and abortion,moral issues like war and poverty"

"I had become a "believer" but i had no idea what it means to be a follower.People had taught me what christians believe but no one had told me how christians live"

These quotes/thoughts and many others have been plaguing/sanding/breaking/building/preparing me lately and i would love to hear anyone elses thoughts.

sashlagoshla(stay well)

from Mozambique to Memphis nights life is a highway

2008-09-02T00:31:00.000-07:00

Last week started out extremely stressful...I actually stayed home from work on Tuesday just cause i couldn't and didn't want to deal with work, but the plan of going to Mozambique for the weekend totally kept me going, and it was actually so amazing and just what i needed.

Maputo is more of what i would expect of a African city, like joburg just seemed to westernized, but Maputo was....really dirty, nothing posted in English,people everywhere...it was extremely lovely.

After getting through the border a lot faster then we anticipated we headed to "Fatima's" backpackers hostel, which was absolutely the coolest place ever....I seriously could have spent the whole weekend just hanging out there, trying to get up the courage to talk to some of the other really cool looking guests.

Our First morning we got up, went and had some lovely fresh Portuguese rolls, exchanged our money and headed to the market.
I am sad to say that as far as the things the market had to offer for buying where a little disappointing.... mainly things i could have got here in south Africa and every stall seemed to have the same thing but the vibe was really cool and it was nice to walk around and watch people or watch our friend Darryl interacting with people (he's a very special guy :) ) after the market we headed across the street to a material (there is another word for what they are called but i can not recall it now) warehouse/shop and i bought far to many pretty materials and it seemed like a rather long process cause the sales guy was trying to teach me Portuguese and unfolding ever piece i expressed interest in, but i guess "while in Rome"

After shopping we went and had lunch and then we went off to the beach,at the beach it was kinda weird cause i separately felt like each of my parents, the first thing i did was walk around and collect shells and pieces of broken glass and stuff to make a mosaic/pretty thing, like my dad used to do when the tide would go out in BC. Then later i was the only one in the water (with my all my clothes on no less) and i felt like my mother....crazy. after hanging out at the beach we went for dinner and back to the hostal for a little while, after not really knowing what to do we drove around a bit and ended up at the beach.
Darryl had a good time running around looking at the tide pools and almost being kidnapped by the millions of chirping crabs, and the rest of us had a good time watching him.
The next day we went to a a place called "Katemba" (my african spelling is like my english spelling meaning not so good so thats def not spelled correctly), we had to cross from Maputo to katemba on the sketchiest looking ferry that i ever did see,and on the ferry ride back they packed like a whole country on to the boat....i would not have been surprized if we had sunk... there where so many people on the boat that we couldnt open the doors to out car.
anyway the beach at katemba was really chill, it was alot less busy that the one in maputo and yeah we just spent the day relaxing.

African police men are a little different then police you would find in north america... and i have a little story to illustrate

so we are driving along that road all peacful and happy, then suddenly and police officer with a huge AK47 walks out into the road and signals us to pull over, we where expecting this because apparently Moz police keep their eyes open for forign plates. So we are pulled over, there are three other cops with big guns standing there and the first cop circles are car looks at all of us and asks for Jon's license, he examines the license and then says "well,you" (points to darryl, who is sitting in the back seat) "have made a common mistake, you are not wearing a seatbelt" long moment of silence "thats a fine of 1000 metecals" another moment of silence and then Jon in a very angry voice is like "fine but i want a reciepe" the police man says "fine we will have to go to the police station" jon in his attitude voice says "fine lets go" then the cop suddent changes his mind and says "the fine is 1000 mets but you can apologies to me for 500" Jon barters it down to 300 and we are merrily along are way.execpt ever 5 minutes Jon remembers what happens and gets all mad...it was so funny.
except if you ask him about it now he will deny it every happened....just like he would deny how a group of them got lost up Mount Legogote for 5 hours in the dark last week.

when the internet is working better i will try and upload pictures from Mozimbique.

I just have to mention how happy I am, I have so many moments where im like "i can not believe this is my life...." Its really a unbelieavble cool feeling.

you do the hokey pokey and thats what its all about

2008-08-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

I ate Chicken feet, i was going to like try and work that into a story or just causal mention it but really the fact is to traumatic to throw off handedly. I ate chicken feet, you know the things chickens walk on...yeah i ate that.... now that that is off my chest i can like tell you the story.

Today is my first day back from being in the community for about 7 days, I stayed with a few different people, first with my original host family, the host sister is named Virgina, then Nombolalo, then Lebo, then Thabisle (thabi for short.
My stay with Virgina and Nombolalo was fairly normal, when i first got to Virgina's i couldn't express how happy i was to be back staying in the community and it was cute she was talking to someone on her phone and i worked out what she was saying in siswati and she said "I'm happy sister Lacey is staying with us again" cute!

I have few funny stories from lebo's house.
Lebo's great Uncle has a job so their family has a little more money then most and a little more luxury's then most...like a black and white TV, So I'm sitting there with Lebo's Gogo (grandma) and her great Gogo, and we where watching WWE and it was hilarious cause he Gogo was like Cheering and stuff, then she turns to me and is like "Lacey who is your favorite?" I only know the name of one wrestler so i say "CM Punk" and she looks and me and says "CM Punk is a good man" like he saved her life or something it was Hilarius!

Then at the same house, for dinner the next day, Lebo cooked Cow liver and i really couldn't hack that ( i had no idea what was waiting for me two days from then!) so i just said i wasn't hungry and her Gogo is so like upset cause she thinks I'm dieting so she goes into this big self esteem speech with me "Lacey! Jesus likes big girls and he will help you!" was pretty much my favorite line ever....but i also kinda wanted to be like "actually Gogo i love who i am i just dint love cow liver!"

But then...i go over to Thabi's house and the first night we have tin fish, called Pilcards, which i ate as to not offended anyone and when i go into the kitchen to help her cook for the second night i was relived to not smell fish, Thabi says "Lacey grab the small pot" i do and i am horrified to see what I'm pretty sure is a Halloween decoration of severed chicken limbs in the pot of whats is supposed to be supper. She puts 3 on my plate and i just sit and stare...Chicken fingers will never be the same for me...never.So i stick to the side of pap and just kind of observer...am i really supposed to each this thing with toenails? but i have a back up plan!
We took thabi and her family for savory pancakes and she could hardly eat it, so i started talking about that and i was like "Thabi i don't know if i can eat 3, how bout leave me one" so she does, then i pick it up and the rest is history....

Oranges!

2008-07-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

so I have this policy you see, this policy about not really sharing many pictures just because i would perfer to come home and be able to share the stories with the pictures as well buuuuut i decieded to upload this pictures from a recent de-wormig adventure,We were in a community other then masoyi and it was some where outside of nelspruti maybe 30-45 minutes away from where i stay. So many children and so many oranges! and it was up to me to peel them...well not all of them but many.

standing face to face

2008-07-18T03:43:00.000-07:00

so the other day we where watching this video and in this video there was a Shepard and a guy who was tagging alone to see what it is like to be a Shepard, apparently in the hot season sheep get something called "summer fever" and they get headaches (how they know this i don't really know)
so the Shepard takes oil and massages all the sheep's heads, the observes asks "so do they all feel better now?"
the Shepard says "well i don't think so, but i don't think they want me to take their pain away i think they just want to know i am there and that i care"

since then I've been thinking a lot about if we as people would rather God just not let us feel pain or let us feel pain but through that let us know that he is with us in our pain.
I love the sound of the second part.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will blog more of whats been going on lately at a later time

Brian wilson

2008-07-03T00:41:00.000-07:00

during our footprints training one of our assignements was to write a "10 commandments" for our life (and okay a little backround info, this past week i have felt aweful, like i wasnt understanding why i am here and all this stuff and it just sucked,) so i was laying in my bed kinda pouting, kinda ranting inside my brain andim looking at all the stuff posted on my wall and one of the things is my commandments

1) Be a lover
> love God, love people
(this is number one and most important, its something i need to remember when i get frustrated with the people i live and work with, i need to remember to love people and God most importantly)
2)Don't Fear
>let Go
(it could be the fear i get at night when i think people are trying to break in or the fear that i am not meant to be here)
3)Trust
>Know there is a plan
(this one i've been so bad at! there is a plan for me, for africa for everything!)
4)Be Real
> be the created not the creator
(i created a expectation of what i wanted to experiance to be, i need to let that go and just go with what God has created)
5)Be Open
>to Experiances, to God, to people
(i've not been letting God lead me to to experiances i should be open to)
6) Reflect what you believe

after reading through all that i felt way relieved
it was pretty cool

one can of chickpeas

2008-06-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

i walk up to a counter and i get a confused look before i even open my mouth the clerk demands "where are you from?"

"um...canada...why?"

"cause a white south african would NEVER have dreadlocks"

~ ~ ~ ~

My heart it totally stirring,Africa is amazing so amazing that i dont often have time to blog but i hope that everyone is still praying for me and for the people i've set them up with.

This week we are having camps with some of our youth and im so excited!
But this week is also full of alot of comings and goings, Dan Johns who has been with hands for a while and who is actually from WKC and with sojourners (so we odviously have some stuff in common) is leaving and his farewell was full and tears and major inspiration...he has deeply touched lives here and i hope God uses me in the same way.
Mary my roomate and good friend for the past two months is also leaving, it will be sad to see her go :(

but we are getting many new people so thats exciting as well.
thats all i really have time for right now but check back in the next few days!!

Fashion Wrinkles

2008-06-01T11:14:00.001-07:00

I never know where to start these things.

I wish you could all crawl in side my brain and see and feel the things i am seeing and feeling, i think something that is very important to me is that others see and understand what i am.

if you could crawl into my brian right now you would find that i have a song from the african church i went to this morning stuck there, the church service was absolutely amazing, it was basically a 2 and half hour dance party, the singing was incrediable and filled the whole neighthood let alone the whole room, i couldnt stop smiling if i had wanted to!

if you could crawl into my heart right now you would find that it is still broken, but that it is learning many many new things, one thing being that i am here to become more secure in God's love and to love people, i am learning that stressing out about what i have to offer them in the way of help is not getting me far its just getting me to a knotted frustrated place and i cant get anything accomplished that way. it is being reconfirmed in my heart that realtionship with other people is what is important and what really matters, I am so blessed to know the people that i know....

if you crawled into another part of my heart you would find how i love my art class! how im so excited about how they are doing and what we are going to contuie to do with them, you will find how i am worried about one of the boys whos name is mthabiso who has just been taken away to inetation camp, which is a cultural experiance that can go very wrong.

if you could crawl into my brian right now you would find that i am planning what i am going to be doing this week and i dont even really know, monday will involve alot of small meetings to prepare monthly reports and making of the schedules for the youth program and young mothers and the rest of the week will probably come out of that, i plan on going to visit a few of the youth at where they stay and yeah....This friday i also get to go into Joburg to see one of my favorite bands, the counting crows perform and im pretty darn excited about that.

I think thats all i can really say for right now....
please if anyone still wants people to pray for as a part of the prayer network i have people i still want to partner up, so let me know! reflectwhatyoubelieve@hotmail.com

world where you live

2008-05-21T01:18:00.001-07:00

I am getting so frustated!
this is like the 6th time ive started this entry, i've put this off for so long that i dont even know where to start.

the past two weeks i have felt my heart rooting here and i have felt its breaking, and the sadness i have felt has been like no other feeling i have ever had. In north america i dont think we know what it means to be a orphan and God has definitly been putting that on my heart for the past while.

To be a Child of Masoyi or generally a child of africa means that you have watched each of your parents waste away for like 24 months, the whole time you dont really understand whats going on and not knowing what to do, then your parents do pass away and you are alone, and you are left with this huge love-less void in your life, you dont have the two people who are suppost to suport you and guide you and be there for you to talk to, you are alone.

its blows me away when i think about it how when i am at youth, or when i am with the young mothers or at one of the care centers that EVERY single one of those people have been through this.

and what comes out of this situation is a generation who is not scared of dealth, a generation that doesnt really care about HIV cause it took there parents so it may as well take them to, a generation who wants love but has not been loved so doesnt know how to.

I need to always remind myself that i am best friends with the God of impossiablites, my hope is completely in Jesus, I guess i may come off as a religion freak but to see what has been done here and what needs to change in our whole world to see the change here there is no other place to put hope.

so yes this has been my heart for the past while.

go outside quietly

2008-05-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

I so have the biggest crush ever on Africa...

the other day i came up with an idea that i think is totally Brill ant, but first some background information.
Hands at work has a goal to reach 100,000 OVC's by 2010, this is a HUGE goal, but Hands believes that God gave them this goal and that through him all things and possible.
so we pray lots about reaching this goal and we pray for all the project leaders and stuff and I've always loved prayer and when people prayed for me and how prayer can just connect people, like before i came to Africa after reading Laura's book i prayed for 3 people, Stanley Winny and Themba almost every day, now Stanley and i work together its a pretty cool experience.
ANYWAY the other day when i was talking to my sister as we where saying goodbye i was like "Zoey can you please pray for the forward students? they are starting their exams now" and she was like "for sure" and the more i thought about prayer, the more i was thinking about how cool it would be to set a person from home up with a specific person from here to be prayed for, so that's what I'm going to do.

I already have a list going of people who i want to link together but there are many others who would be encouraged by a friend in Canada praying for them, I'm setting up this little packages with the persons picture and a part of there story (some of you already have them coming in the mail!) I believe prayer is very important and i think praying for someone real that you know there story can help you be a part of whats going in in Africa.

so i would like everyone who wants a person to pray for to please email me (reflectwhatyoubelieve@hotmail.com), and please make sure i have your mailing address so i can send you the little package.

everywhere i look

2008-05-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

another day another blog.
The past two months i have really realized how much "of my generation" i really am, cause when every something worth anything happens im like "im totally blogging about this"

I realize my blogs can be kind of heavy so i was thinking about like all the things i love about south africa and stuff and yeah i thought i would write about that.

I love that when we drive through masoyi everyone waves and smiles, i love saying "yebo" drawn out and in two slylabals and trying to learn siswati, i(usually) love how everytime i sit down in the community someone does my hair, i love having grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast, i love the way africans sing, i love how the people i am around are REAL, i love sending snail mail,I love how my siwati name is "Tsandza" which means love, I love listening to my friend stanley laugh because his laugh is hilarous, i love how our house is like comfortable with each other, I love going to induna adventures with the youth group here and seeing these youth get a day to just like be teenagers and play and hang out (we did a huge zipline and i was terrified and screaming and i will forever be mocked because of it), I love spening time in the youth meetings because i dont know if i have ever been so impressed, these kids totally respect and trust each other they act so mature, giving everyone a chance to speak and listen, I know for a fact that they are going to change there community for the better. I loved going to st.johns which is a children hostile, i loved how the nuns that work at st.johns say that she truly believes that the children who live there (27 of which are HIV positive)DO have a future, they arent just creating a comfortable place for them to die, they are creating a home for these beautiful children, i love how when i was in canada i thought winking at people was like the creepist thing you could do and now its like all i do, i love how i can eat pup now when before i was kind of ignorant about it, i love how when people ask me how old i am and i say 18 they are all like SOOO shocked, i love how the other day Dara, laura, Callan and myself smelled dustans pillow, i love when dara and laura send me "sms"(texts) saying "i miss you" when im away from them for like...a hour. I love how all the youth know who my sister is cause i always talk about her, i dont particularly love but find kind of funny how when we play silly games the youth try to do things just to embarras me, i love how things just come together.I love how i feel i am learning more about who i am. I love how God is SOO present here.

I love my life here.

Got the best of me

2008-04-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

this past week has been full of "is this seriously my life? am i actually here moments?"
one when i was sitting on a little hill with a cool guy named elvis eating lemons right off a tree, one when i was driving in the back of a truck with 10 guys from the building team right after they won there soccer game, one when i was being addressed as "sister" by people i've never met.

Yesturday was a very intresting and lovely day for me. I was able to go out with the OVC corridnater who's name is jabolela (jabo for short) her name means happy and she is absolutely that.
We made a visit in the morning and then came home for lunch, when we went out in the afternoon she told me we would be visiting a home where 2 orphanes lived, a little girl and a little boy, they where staying with there aunty who had 6 of her own children, when we arrived there where 4 children there, they where grinding corn to make maize meal. like in many situation the children where kind of stand offish around the "malungo" (white person) but after sitting there for a few minutes the little boy came close to me and we shook hands and then he crawled up into my lap and he pulled my arms around him because he wanted me to hug him, and that is the moment when my heart broke, the grandmother of these two children had been stealing their food parcel and there grant money, but i was just so struck at how much he just wanted to be loved and i automatically just think about how he doesnt have a mom or a dad to just hold him and love him and tell him he is adorable that that he means the world to them. and after he went to jabo and told her that he loved me....

when i got home yesturday night i couldnt stop thinking about him and i think it hit me hardest when i was trying to sleep because i was thinking "this isnt a story i heard, this isnt off some childrens right actavating website...i held him in my arms, he was a very real little boy who i hugged tightly"
Then i asked God to never ever let me become indifferent to these situation, i dont know if some people do but i asked God to just break my heart over and over,i never want to forget what that feels like, to know i am holding a child who just wants love and who doesnt have it.
but Ngi na themba (i have hope)
i always need to remind myself that God DOES have a plan, he is with that little boy, i'm just going to pray that the little boy knows it to

Prisoner of Happiness

2008-04-10T02:31:00.000-07:00

I should probably work on blogging more often but i am pretty busy.

the past week and a half have been incrediable!
hands at work hosted there african conference and all the african project leaders came to here.
on the first day of the conference we had workshops and we talked about the 3 primary needs that they are trying to proved and the challenges that they face, while i was listening to the challenges that they face the only thing i could think was "this is to hard....this is TO hard how can they do this this is to hard" and the more i thought about it the more i realized that these people are truely incrediable....these are followers of christ, these are people who see the wrong in there communities and acknowledge that its hard and STILL do it, maybe that doesnt strike you guys as much as it did me, but i will say for the most part i was on the brink of tears everytime i talked to them or thought about them.

something else amazing happened this monday, I was in a terriable car crash, our van was completely turned around and flipped over (so we where upside down) your probably asking why i think this is amazing, well like it was a BAD accident and there where 9 of us in the van and there are no seat belts in the back and NO ONE was hurt, we all have a little bit of bruises etc but no one was seriously hurt which is truely a miracle, God was there proctecting us i have no douobt because seeing the vehical after and knowing the guys in the back didnt have seatbelts on you would think people would have been severly hurt. So on that same note, thank you to everyone who is praying for me, i am so grateful.
in the most messed up was possiable the accident was kind of good, i have a stronger bond with the people who where also in the car and i feel extreme reasurance from God that this is where i am meant to be and that he is with me.

these next two weeks are individual prep time and i dont know exactly what i will be doing but im getting exicted, our training is almost over and im so ready to dive right in.
I've said this before and i am going to say it again, I love it here so much and i am sooo happy.
I do miss my friends and family though, its funny when we do different things i alwasy find myself thinking "oh so and so would be so good at this" or "this is a job for so and so" i think everyone has a place here, there is so much to be done.

Im trying realy hard to learn siswati, i borrowed a dictonary and a grammer book and and i try to spend atleast 15 minutes every day doing it but....the langue has clicks in it and pops and sounds that i just physically can not make, hahaha, but i am trying and some people are helping me a little bit.

I dont really know what else to write.....
miss you guys!

if anyone has the desire to send me mail you can send it to:
Lacey Shurmer
c/o hands at work
PO box 3534
white river 1240
mpumalanga south africa

the name of...

2008-03-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

Hello Everybody

So it feels like I haven’t blogged for ages!
And I really am not too sure of where to start.

So as many of you may know in the footprints program, you spent 10 weeks of cultural training in south Africa and then they send you out to a different country in Africa to do your “out reach” before I left we still where sure of where my outreach was going to be or what program I was going to be a part of.
That has recently been decided. My outreach will be all the way to…South Africa! Ha-ha, at first I wasn’t stoked and I thought I was getting held back maybe because of my lack of life experience or something but the more we talk about it and the more I think about it this is absolutely amazing!
See getting sent out for the other girls in the program works, because they are good friends and know each other well and know how to be a support to each other and all that stuff, when you are sent out your partner has to be a really good friend because they are basically your only other person that can completely relate and stuff.
If I where to be sent out I would be sent with callan and callan is great I promise you this but at this point I don’t think we are right to work with each other as a team or to support each other. So to stay in South Africa I will have the support of all the hands at work staff and I will have independence in my work. We are still working out exactly what I will be doing but there are three things that I want to be involved with for sure, the first would be the youth program, right now the big boss, levy is slowly pulling out to give the community more ownership, so the new leaders are two really cool guys named Stanley and sydwell, as levy steps back callan and I will both probably fill in some gaps and just help the guys with organizing and administration skills and stuff like that, I am really excited, the second opportunity is very similar, I will be helping with the young mum’s program, Busi who is the big boss of young mums is going to be doing some traveling and stuff to bring the program to different countries and Linkie will be the one to step in, Linkie is nervous about her English and about being in charge, so I would work with her to build up her confidence and just be there to bounce her ideas off.
The third situation I am not really positive of how it will work but I would really like it to happen, hands at work has a goal to reach 100,000 OVCs (orphanages and vulnerable children) by 2010, so part of that is OVC visits along with home base care, I would like to work at least once or twice a week doing the OVC visits.

So yeah I am really really excited about this.
earlier this week we spent time with George synman (who is the founder of hands at work) and he asked me if I was enjoying my time here, and I was telling him that I am overjoyed to be here and I know this is the right place for me to be and I almost started crying and I don’t even know why.
Whats happening in my life and what’s happening in Africa now is INCREDIABLE and I thank God ever day that I get to be a part of it.
Often I think of home and I just wished my family and friends could see this place, this incredible place that the rest of the world and church has kind of turned its back to.
When I was speaking with Carly, she was telling me that she thought this was going to be one of the best years of my life and I have the same feeling, I know some of the things of what’s going to happen this year are going to be hard and barely bearable but “Bring it on”…this is a classroom that I completely willingly enter.

I think of everyone often and you are all in my prayers.
Ngi yaku tsandza

the good left undone

2008-03-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

whew
okay i have a few points to make before i really get into this blog,
i just uploaded a few pictures on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=100624&l=18147&id=567405623
i am also extremely sunburned and kinda of frustrated cause the payphones arent working properly
and the battery is almost dead on this lap top :(

okay i have alot to talk about in the blog.

We've been doing alot of trainging and workshops with hands at work and the more i hear about this organization the more happy i am that i get to be a part of it, they are absolutely incrediable it the way things are done and all that stuff,

in our training we've had the oppurntinty to be apart of some the the programs, we went to cork and belfast and where a part of the home visits to sick patients and orphanges/valnurable children
i saw the first person that i've ever been sure of dying of aids and i watched the worker give her a bath while i sat in shock. Alot of these trainings has really left me wondering what my place here, like God brought me here for a reason im just not sure exactly what im suppost to do yet.
after we visited that patient we went to a house where 3 girls lived , 15. 9 and 4, there mother abanded them and there father is dead, they aren't allowed to have money from the government because there parents are from Mozambique, they didn't had food, we didn't have anything to give them,all i could do was help them wash there clothes and sweep there floor.
i left there feeling numb

that night i found a really really good Bible verse that gave me a amazing amount of hope though
psalms 9:18
The names of the poor will not be forgotten

God has a plan for these kids just like he has plan for north Americans, but i think a part of their plan, is the global church realizing that we need to build these people up.
i wrote this in my journal the other day
"Africa truly truly is a continent of hope where things can and will be changed but i don't think it will change in the western world wants it to...like it wont change right away or quickly, Africa is a wound that will take time to heal and a tree that is going to take time to grow, i am so blessed and absolutely overjoyed that God has allowed me to be apart of this"

so yeah today we went to a youth group annnnd i had to preach a sermon....oh boy....that was really weird and hard for me....and i messed it up pretty hard, like forgetting that the translator had to translate and i just kept talking so he had to try and remember everything i said and the end.
good-ness not good.
i think im going to leave it at that right now

is a magic number

2008-03-09T07:26:00.000-07:00

Hello Children

this will be my third post from south africa and it will probably be the most boring post of them all.

Im doing well but our program is going slow at the moment and im finding myself with alot of free time and not alot of stuff to fill it with.

I think my spirituality and the views i have of christians are going to be very challenged here and i think i am definanity going to be molded, i already feel myself changing a little bit, not in a bad way but just in a way where i have to think a whole lot more about christianity and how to own my faith.

hmmm what can i tell you? on friday all the footprinters went on a feild trip to a place called "God's window" and it was really beauitful, i will post the pictures...soon? when i figure out how im going to do that.
and this weekend we havent done alot we drove to a town near by to do some grocery shopping and went for sushi? yeah it was weird sushi in africa.

I've had a chance to talk to my family and a few friends which is really nice,
yesturday i also taped a bunch of pictures to my wall and i was thinking that you guys should mail me some pictures and notes that i can use to decorate my very plain room.(i will post the address on my facebook or to can contact my fam fam)

oh, Carly (the lady who is basically in charge of footprints) and i went for coffee on thursday afternoon and it was really good! i missed being a individual and loved not being surronded by all the people lived with (even though they are nice) and her and i talked a bit about our outreach and it sounds like Callan and i are going to be sent out together to zambia or we will stay in south africa, alot more discussion has to happen but those are pretty much the two plans, we'll see what happens.

hmm i dont have alot more to say...
i guess i should put it out there that i know my typing/spelling isnt amazing but everyones going to just have to deal with it. :)

soooo thats all for now
ps. everyone go see john butler trio for me in april, im pretty much heart broken tha i am missing that concert
bye now

being okay with shuffle

2008-03-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

I really dont know how to start this blog. which is really weird cause i've been like thinking about what i was going to say all week.

oh my gosh this is hard!

okay since thursday myself and all the other footprinters where placed in a orphange headed house hold in the community of maysoi.
I lived in a sector called manzini with a lovely young mom named virgina, her birthday was on sunday and she just turned 18, she takes care of her two siblings who are twins and 16 years old, she also takes care of her 93 year old grandfather, she also has a daughter who is 3 years old who was concieved not through virigina's choice (if you understand what i mean..)

even after having today to debrief i still have alot of mixed feelings over what i just experiances and im still trying to process and understand what exactly just happened. So i will probably just write some facts rather then getting into it.

We each sepratly arrived at our host families homes on thurday evening after we had been working at K2 (which is basically a orphange day care) all day, I brought three bags of food, mazie meal, tomatos, onions, fish, cabbage etc, and my backpack with my stupid missinary skirts, her home is three seprate (small) buildings, i stayed with virigina in her room which had to beds so that was nice (better then dustin who had to share one bed with 3 people) south africans in the community sleep with the lights on and i think its gives them like a feelings of safty or something cause there is alot of crime.
they eat the mazie (when its cooked its called pap) at ever meal and its kind of like a very bland porriage and then the like cook up the beans of cabbage or something else to go with it.
They are very community orrientted and i swear i meant like 28314679543751234189327524365 people on my first night because everyone was very curious about a white person who would come to live with them.

on friday we went back to work at k2 and then the weekend back to our host families, the weekend, we didnt really do alot, there isnt really anything to do.
But i did learn that if a south african tells you something is close they mean they are going to take you on a hike....that happened to me twice!

so yeah saturday we just kind of hung around, virigna made chicken for dinner, and i kind of turned my eye to how it was stored cause i wanted to eat it (oh i should mentions that i wasnt really eating any of the food i guess because of ignorance)it was stored in a bowl of water just on the floor for a good half the day....but i didnt get sick so that was good.
then on saturday night we just sat in the yard with some neighbors and talked and eat boiled peanuts? they where good though....and they taught me ALOT of siswati which was really cool.
then on sunday we went to church (which they told me was close and it soooo wasnt)
and i guess i should explain about the water now, if your not use to it the well water in the comminity makes you really sick, so you have to boil it to make it okay to drink, but my hosts where okay to drink it, and because virigina cooks on a fire i felt bad asking to boil water, so i was like living on the 2 liters i brought from k2 but by sunday i was pretty much out so i hadnt drank any water and they took me on the hike to church i was mighty dehyrdrated, Dara one of the other girls who i am working with was there and she had some boiled water and let me have it which was good but when we got the the churh i needed more, so i decieded to risk getting sick and drank some of the bad water....well about 10 minutes later i started projectile vomitting outside the church with everyone watching me....it was not okay hahaha but thank God Dara was there.

um yeah then on monday i was back to K2 to paint, it was weird how happy all the footprinters where to see each other! everyone was so stoaked.
painting was really lame and we had to do it tuesday agaain.
then on tuesday we came back to our house which was so nice, a shower (cause in the community you take bucket baths) and food im used to, and a langues that i understand being spoken.

I had alot of confused feelings as i was living in the comminity, cause at first i was like "okay they have food and clothes they are okay right?" but like you can just feel that there is something so wrong there, in the community they are just surviving...they are just like physically living but there is a huge feelings of hopeless-ness, like they have food they have cloths but there is nothing past that, they dont have skills to have a job or anything....

but yeha i dont know any answers or anything like that
all i know was the past 5 days where a definatly a experiance that is going to bring me closer to empathy and it was amazing.

next time i will post pictures of my host familiy and of my team.

I miss everyone at home...its kind of weird cause i havent even been gone from 2 weeks but it feels like a very long time.
so yeah,

oh! okay this is juts a funny little. when i was younger my uncle brynn went to africa and all i remember about him talking about it or whatever was this picture of a frog in a toilet...this morning there was definatly a frog in our toilet and i totally took a picture.
hahah.

so yeah i think im going to leave it at that, but yeah that blog doesnt even begin to explain what africa is like...i just cant put it in to words, but its been awesome and i know im suppost to be here.

14 past my window

2008-02-25T07:03:00.001-08:00

Hello Children

wow my first post from Africa, i cant believe I'm here.
The flights went well, nothing bad went down at all, my 7 hour lay over in London was brutal! but not as brutal as the 9 hour wait for my bus in Johannesburg.

I haven really had a chance to journal yet and that mixed with my jet lag is making this post a little hard to write.

the campus where i am staying at is really beautiful, there are like flowers and trees and stuff, I live in a place called "west mount cottage" with four other people, there is Laura and Dustin from Canada, Dara from the states and callan from south Africa.
Honestly I'm feeling very "odd man out" because the other two girls know each other and share a room and the guys are...guys? and are hanging out and getting to know each other and then there is me, BUT it will get better, i am still in my little "to shy to quite" stage so I'm sure once i start talking it will get better.

weird thing happened today...we went into town to buy groceries and....that was my first time shopping for myself....my first(stressful!) time grocery shopping was in Africa....weird! so i kept the receipt to like scrap book or something, i only bought enough for the next two days because on Thursday!!!! we are going to live in the community with a orphange headed household (which means a house run by someone who doesnt have parent and are taking care of there siblings....intense) so I'm pretty dang excited for that. i will be there till Tuesday and yeah its going to be awesome (please note people who are expecting calls from me you will have to wait till after that)

so i guess there isn't a lot to write about seeing as today is only technically my first day....
tonight we have been invited up to the farm for dinner and a movie so that will be cool, tomorrow is a HIV training day, wesnday there is small group in the morning and then community prep in the afternoon and then on Thursday we are off to the community.

oh i have a sweet story! so I'm talking to my roommates "oh do we want music" and we like rig up my thing and plug it in and start listening to music and then we hear a loud pop....so I'm pretty sure my ipod dock is broken :( but yeah not sure.

so thats all...

here's to the night

2008-02-21T00:55:00.000-08:00

tonight was epic, i had such a good time.

i've said goodbye to most of my favorite people and its weird cause i kinda dont feel anything...like i said "talk to you later" to each one of them and i guess it hasnt sunk in yet that im not going to see this people for a little while.
it weird the whole trip doesnt even seem real at all yet....

ps i was meant to be a rockstar

tell me baby

2008-02-14T18:05:00.000-08:00

so i've been re-reading anthoney kedis's book and its really makes me wish the i could have been apart of the punk revalotion in the 80's in LA
i also wish i was a part of the hippie movement of the 1960's and ...pretty much all those revalotions.
and brianne and i where talking about how we wished we could be apart of one of those things now, but i dont think thats possiable.
but as i was talking about it with someone at work today my thought was maybe i can be apart of a revolution in africa, maybe my generation isnt going to come up with some sort of genuis music movement but maybe we'll learn what love really is, maybe we can feed the hungry and cloth and home our street brothers like Jesus really wanted...
who knows

skittles

2008-02-12T23:54:00.000-08:00

ahhhh
we are now offically at 9
9 is less then 10
9 is a single digit number
oh my gosh

so today i recieved a email from carly stewart called "introducing the feburary volunteers"
and there was the picture and little write up on the four people who are doing footprints.
there was myself and a lady named laura who is 25 and a nurse from sask.
there was a lady named dara who is 27 and also a nurse. Dara and Laura both volunteered for a thing called mercy ship, which is kinda of a floating clinic that goes along the coast of africa, neither of them knew that the other had applied for footprints, so thats kinda cool taht they are going to reconnect, and when i met laura she told me that herself and dara where probably going to do home base care in mozabique for there outreach, which i think is kinda cool.
the last one is Callan he is from south africa and the same age as me, carly didnt mention what kind of outreach he does but she did mention that he's very involved in youth ministy so maybe he wants to do a youth outreach, which is also what i would like to do, so maybe him and I will get sent out together which would be cool, i would be down with that seeing as he is from there and would be comfortable with the culture and money and traveling africa cause he does after all live there.
but that also makes me wonder about the difference in culture for the blacks and the white...
so yeah.

it was weird looking through that thing and knowing that in like 10 days these people are going to be my imediate group of friends,i wonder how they will affect my life.
im scared of how im going to go through this whole thing without having the support system im use to right there beside me.
its gonna be intense.

great divide

2008-02-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

I gave my notice at costco yesturday and i dont know why but i was sooo nervous, but my manager was actually kinda nice about it she was like well thats a good reason im sad your going lalala.
so yeah my last day with be this sunday. 4 more shifts im really stoaked cause i really dislike my job.

I can not believe this is happeneing like....we are at 10 days nows.
like i have slowly drifted from feeling indifferent to getting this great waves of fear.
Like i know this is going to be like the most awesome experiance of my life, but because i cant see past the stuff i need to do, saying goodbye to my family and being anxious about the plan ride i cant picture the good stuff.
and these waves of fear keep hitting me.

I feel like im kinda leaving at a weird time, i feel like there is so much i need to fix before i leave, i dont know this is a very very weird feeling.

actually writing this post has got me a little be more freaked out.
anyway i should go to bed.

people who read fast forward are silly

2008-02-04T22:51:00.001-08:00

Okay
so like 2 weeks ago I wrote to one of my friends in the "I saw you section" of fast forward magazine, and i didnt tell them it was more something i just wanted to get off my chest.

and in this past issue there was a reply to my little add thing and i dunno lol its kinda cute like i know its not from the person i sent it to cause this person doesnt even read fast forward but yeh...now ir eally want to know who it is.

where is the shut off button?

2008-02-03T23:40:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep and i woke up to write a blog and found the pleasant surprize of my blog being made over with a new banner designed and installed but the mightest of michelles.
so thank you very much michelle its beautiful!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIANNE
today is Brianne 19th birhtday which is super cool.

I all of a sudden have writters block, like my mind is a friggen whirl pool of thoughts but i cant fish out just one to write about. oh my life.

=D

2008-02-03T21:43:00.000-08:00

I <3 Lacey!

iced coffee

2008-01-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

Okay so honestly deep down inside i've got some major anxiety about the whole africa thing. Im scared that im going to get there and do something wrong or be inappriote or something, i know alot of this anxiety comes from when we went to toronto on a "missions trip" and one of the leaders from urban promise chewed me out for doing something that was "wrong" and i didnt even understand and being my shy(?) 13 year old self i just didnt ask what i did or whatever or why it was wrong.

so anyway i have this big fear that im going to get there and be totally useless and basically create chaos or something.
but today i was calmed a little....i recieved a lovely letter from a lovely friend who is living in saskatoon right now taking police studies.
in this letter there was a Bible verse that i quite enjoyed.
now you see i think context is a very important thing when reading the Bible and i dont know the context or anything of this verse but i do enjoy the *words*

"for i know the plans i have for you; says the Lord "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a futre and a hope"
jeremiah 29:11

soo cool.

slinky

2008-01-23T01:49:00.000-08:00

30 days till i leave to africa!
well actually seeing as its 3 oclock in the morning on the 23 its only 29....wow.

I came across Natilie blair and Dan Johnbs blogs and they scared the life out of me, they both talk about africa being theres homes and how they dont think they can leave and im not saying that automatically means that i am going to be staying there but i almost want to say that i know this trip is going to be longer then a year and that maybe africa is my future, i dont know if that riduclous to be saying when i havent even gone there yet...i guess we will see.

Im kinda in a weird place...like i cant stop thinking about africa and im so like...shocked? about the whole thing i guess, im not really worried but the core of me is scared and i dont even know what about....maybe cause i kinda feel like im not ready, and im not sure if i can actually make a difference....
im so like two sided about everything...part of me is like this is TOTALLY my thing (which it is) but the other part is scared of the changes i have to make inside myself to be that person.
so yeah i guess thats what it all comes down to...is that im scared to change,cause its going to be hard...it will be for the better but ahhh

anyway im stoaked
29 days.

also!

2008-01-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

I've written about my friend Laura before and explained about how she works with orphanged youth in a program called "forward", today i recieved and email from one of the students telling me that he was really excited to meet me and it totally made my life!

curbside prophet

2008-01-17T20:34:00.000-08:00

35 DAYS Oh my gosh!
and things are quickly falling together.

yesturday i had all my vacanations and today i experiances "symptomys of typhoid" lame i had a fever all day at work, not impressed.

i ordered some african currency and i wired money to hands at work, i also had my physical.
now the things left on the list are to get some more africa friendly clothing, get new glasses and contuie raising support.

tonight we atteneded a hands at work info night and it was incrediably cool, i briefly (cause im aweful at first impressions and really akward with people i dont know) met one of the other ladies who is going to be a part of footprints so that was neato.

my hours are going up a little bit with costoc which is good and im looking into picking up some hours at 7 11 (oh boy...)

but yeah thats the africa progress in a nut shell

this clutz...tell me her name?

2008-01-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

You know what i think is totally akward, when you are standing in a group of people and someone you dont know joins and no on introduces you....i think that is absoultly the worst thing in social settings.

we should be grateful

2008-01-09T20:21:00.000-08:00

SO
i've started sending out some of my support letters and i have very mixed feelings about it.
I've sent them to some people i havent spoken to in quite a while and genuily i want to know how they are and i hope they dont just see it as me asking for money.

I also had my first contribution today, from my best friend, and i feel so humbled to recieve it and so grateful, after reviewing my finicial situiation i am really going to need the finical support so i dont know, its really cool, im slightly nervous about it...so yeah anyway
i've started looking for another part time job, no luck so far.

oranges

2008-01-08T00:04:00.000-08:00

guys i dont know what to blog about

slide in and down, just there

2007-12-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

if i say "slide in and down just there" one more time im going to have to take some sort of drastic measures against myself. like i have to say the "slide in and down" part so people know how to do the debit but why did i add the "just there" and why cant i stop?

bah anyway, wanna know how much i love costco? well i dont at all. why? because my hours have been cut to 25 a week till march apparently.
wow... im not stressing but i feel super used like "Lacey we needed you to help us get through the holidays but now that that over were just going screw you right over"
lovely.
so im looking for a nother part time job or a full time job that can guarentee me 40 hours a week.

also i would like to complain about that fact that you guys dont update your blogs anymore
that is very....unacceptable

world apart

2007-12-26T21:40:00.000-08:00

so today has been alot of thinking, i spent most of the day in my pjs watching full house season 8 or reading one of my new books, but the wheels of my mind where a turn the whole time.

Im at this weird place where all i want to do is get out of here, i want to go to africa, I want to live my faith, I want to meet new people and part of me feels like Im going to find Jesus over there.
But the other part of me is absolutly terrified and doesnt want to leave my family.

The other day when My mom was driving me to work she told me that she was prepairing for me not to come home.

that was pretty much one of the scariest moments of my entire life.

Clear the area

2007-12-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

Brianne and I got our tattoo's today!
(Brianne if you read my blog please wait to read this entry i want to write some stuff about the meaning of our tattoo but i want the first time you read that to be in your christmas card okay?????)

So Brianne and I got out tattoo's done but a very pleasant Chrys Goldberg, at first i was kinda disapointed because we had to wait an hour for him to finish someone elses tattoo but now then i think about it that really wasnt a big deal,
anyway we "rock paper scissord" for who would get to go first and Brianne won, so it was pretty fun watching her.
Then it was my turn and we had to reajust the placement a few times before it was just where i liked it (i was being picky)
then we started and it wasnt bad, defiantly something i could handly, there where certain places like when the needle went over that i was like "ow ow ow please stop doing that" but nothing to bad.

anyway so Briannd and I got matching skeleton keys, hers is on her left wrist, mine is on my right and they are facing the opposite ways but they are the same design.

So here are some of my symbolisms for the key design, A key can represent security, if you have a key you know you have some where you can go to, i can represent safty for pretty much the same reason, I can also represent acceptance because you dont give just anyone a key.
These are all things i have in my friendship with Brianne. She is also a key part of the person that i am.
I love her very much and am so grateful that she is my friend.

Brianne was saying the symbolism she attaches with it, is that everyone is looking for the key to success like the key to a perfect marragie, career extra and she likes the idea of a key tattoo to say that she still hasnt found it.

thats all folks

but if you give me one more chance

2007-12-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

I had coffee with Laura Pope today!
and I am so excited for africa(64 days!)
and she gave me a movie of some of her students, and she just asks them questions and stuff and she askes the two guys "what give you hope for the future?"
and they both in different words said "my friends and the people who work with me"
themba said "the fact that people care about me...."
and wow
i am so excited, I want people to know I care about them

this is how i say

2007-12-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

Plane ticket booked!
on feb 22nd I leave from calgary at 5:55pm fly to londan arrive there at 9:00 am, leave from londan at 5:55 pm (weird that both flights leave at the same time) and arrive in jo'burg at 7 am feb 24th, sweeeet. Party at the airport anyone?

Im am so terrified
but SOOO excited at the same time
and im not doing so good finically hahaha but it will all come together hopefully.
I wrote one support letter, to the church, and felt really lame about it but im really gonna need the donations soooo i guess i gotta go what i gotta do.

Love Affair

2007-12-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

I really like who I am.
I hope that doesnt sound concieded but for the most part I really like who I am.

I was reading my journal the other day, then i was reading my old blog and THEN i was tlaking to a new friend and all three times i was kinda struck but how i sound kind of inteligent (i know i cant freaking spell) and thats kinda cool.

yesturday for like 5 minutes i let myself believe that who i am is good enough and is someone who has something to offer to the people i am going to be with in africa, it was a pretty fricken cool feeling, but that feeling comes and goes, worry takes over and im like "shoot i really need to work on bettering myself" so yeah i dont know.

hey children whats that sound?

2007-12-04T14:06:00.001-08:00

Carly: So Lacey any questions?
Lacey: um yeah am i like in now? like accepted for sure?
Carly:*laughs* well i was going to wait till the end of the interview to tell you but yes you are accepted we have been praying for you and we are so excited to have you.

shit dudes, feburary 23

somethings missing

2007-12-01T18:25:00.000-08:00

I think probably one of the greatest things I was shown in vancouver and one of the greatest lessons i am still in the process of learning, its love for community, i love people, i truely do love the people im friends with and stuff, but the YWAM staff has this love for there whole city and specifically the community of commercial drive.
But see i cant just take what they do and say "i love my community to, so i'll do they stuff they do here" because i really want to KNOW my community before i start doing the stuff they do, Free hugs did give me a hand in starting to know some people in kennsington, whenever im down there i talk to mike and his group of punk friends, i almost got up my nerve to talk to the hot guy i met down there but instead i just sat and looked at him because i was to scared to talk.

so heres my deal i love what kennsington is, i love the feel of community there, but now the question is whats the next step? how do i get to know more people down there and how do i love kennsington as a whole? and is this to big a undertaking to do before feburary and is it kinda lame to try and learn and love a community and then peace out for a year?

much thought much thought.
(ps happy Birthday yesturday Ted)

we're young punks but we show potiental

2007-11-27T11:14:00.000-08:00

(Ps Happy Birthday a few days ago Michelle!)
song of the moment
Raine Maida- Yellow Brick road

Okay I've passed the first part of the applications with Hands at work, now things with move faster and Im most likely accepted, now I just need to do phone interviews.
Im shaking

this is sparta

2007-11-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

I learned how to do cash today at work, it was um scary, the first like hour I was shaking SOO hard, its not fun to be a cashier at costco where they like time how many items you do a minute and how many members you get through you till a hour, ahhhhhh

big stuff is goin on with me right now but i dont really have the energy to write about it.

:(
im still waiting to hear back from hands at work

green tea latte

2007-11-21T23:34:00.000-08:00

we went to second cup tonight with my dad.
he accidently spilled a little puddle of water on the table, i used my finger to paint on the table with water a army of dragonflies

bo·da·cious [boh-dey-shuhs]

2007-11-14T20:25:00.000-08:00

1. thorough; blatant; unmistakable
2. remarkable; outstanding
3. audacious; bold or brazen.

Im in two phases right now and its weird cause they totally contrict each other but yet they both live within me at this very moment.
one side of me refuses to put an once of effort into any friendship i have right now, because i feel i make the general effort in all of them.
and the other side me is like "holy crap everyone around me is so crazy amazing"

I have a ad in the "I saw yous" coming out tomorrow in fast forward magazine.
hahaha
its goes like this
"oct 26 tequilla
you dreadlocks
me green shirt
kissed your cheek
coffee?"
then i put a email i made for this
hahah im intrested to see if anything will come of this

also song of the moment is
"Calfornia by hawk nelson"

a knights tale

2007-11-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

(direct quote from my j-j-journal)

Im in such a weird place im tryin to find some sort of balance between rich, old, historic faith; new spirituality expressed through the arts and community; "works" and plain ol' religion.

I was thinking about half an hour ago that I wish it was possiable to have a "untainted untaught" faith, so often i feel i've done/do things because religion dictats it.

I dont even know where to start. Inside my heart is like a thousand knots tied from one string into a huge ball and there is no indication of where i should start untying.

um akward

2007-11-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

Oh man word is like killing my ankels i cant even believe how much they hurt.
im kinda starting to make friends with people at work who arent the like 45 year old mothers.
the other day some kid came up to me and was like "dont worry you will be intergrated and innisiated into the young peoples group soon enough"
and i was pretty much like "what the hell?"

there is this kid named colin who was in my social class last year and went to my jr high and stuff, when i see him we always talk and its kinda weird (but in a good way)
i asked him what he wanted to do with his life and he said he wanted to get a crappy office job with a computer so he could draw pictures of himself on paint.
(i know this isnt ACTUALLY what he wants to do)
but this kid is actually scary smart, i kinda want to get to know him better, its weird how i never talked to him at LBHS but we talk now...hmmm

john stay-mo's

2007-11-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

Hands at work cant get back to me about my application till after nov. 15th.
it makes me kinda nervous that im gonna have to do a whole bunch of running around at the last minute but it also makes me kind of excited.

feburary is less then 12 weeks away

screaming without lungs

2007-11-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

what does it mean to make you life a story worth telling?
I like to hear preachers preach and stuff but I require and "how to book" most of the time,
I always come away with questions on how its possiable, needing a step by step instructional manual.

MRI your soul

2007-11-02T22:01:00.001-07:00

Im gonna start doing "Song of the Moment" in my blogs.
Todays song of the moment is
"Give a little bit- Goo goo Dolls"

The music of the week has been very paul simon! its wicked

Grace is Gone

2007-10-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

I cleaned my room yesturday.
I found a letter I wrote Brianne, and in it i wrote "my mind is racing at like mock 15"
and I dont think its stopped.

When I logged on I had many topics on which I thought i could write but now I dont know where to start.

Do Blogs give people the sense of fake realtionship?
when we read each others blogs do we feel we have made a connection and know each other?
I know I would much rather talk to you about the things you face, I would like to see the person you write as and the person I know become one.
I would like to see the person I write as and the person you know become one.

I read Laura Popes blog and I truely wonder if deep in me is a selfless person who is going to be able to handle Africa.

In this room I cleaned the other day,I found many creatures.
There is a strong one, who will help people, there is a smart one who can speak her thoughs, there is a scared one who shivers and tries despratly to stay where she is at, there is a artistic one who is always scribbling pictures and dreaming dreams, there is a reflective one, a prayful one, a doubting one, a hurtful one, a impure one, a innocent one
There is a seamstress who is trying despratly hard to sew all these people together into someone that is worthwhile, someone who can look in the mirror and say "I believe in Love that is why my actions reflect it"

Inspiration

2007-10-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEANNA)

inspiration comes from odd places.
Im going to write a (book/artical/maybe it will just end up to be a post in my blog)
and this clip is basically what inspired it.

what would you do?

2007-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Hmm
so I work at costco now.
and I think this one might actually stick.
but it feels weird to profit off of such extreme consumerism so that I can save money to go spent time with people who have nothing.

sister and I both agree we miss hastings

call on me callll on me, fall on me fallll on me

2007-10-22T00:30:00.000-07:00

So I got back from camp today, Camp was actually pretty sweet, there where definatly some moments that I didnt like and definatly (Leanna am i spelling that right? i dont think so but my brains not working and i know you always know when i spell that word wrong lol) where it was hard being in the "leadership" position.
But i have to say i experianced like the COOLEST thing ever, after lights out on the first night i went and had a cigar(which i thought i had quit smoking but i guess not hahaha) with one of my good friends, and we ended up down at the lake, and because camp is out in the country it was really dark and the stars where INCREDIABLE, and you could see the reflection of the stars in the lake, it was so neat cause there where a few shooting stars and seeing them reflected in the water was really so cool.

Okay and another intresting moment for me at camp was at campfire on saturday night, we sang this song called testify to love, and i've heard the song before and stuff but when i could hear everyone singing maybe i was listening to the words better, and i dont know everytime we would sing the chorus i was like "how beautiful would it be if we as christians actually did this"

heres the chorus for you guys:

"for as long as I shall live I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enought
with every breathe I take I will give thanks to God above
for as long as i shall live I will testify to love"

when I connect with stuff like that I like to go a look up some of the words just to get a deeper meaning.
so I looked up testify to see the differnt things it means and some of the defitions are
"to declare, profess,to bear witness to; affirm as fact or truth"

Coming back on the bus I was talking with some of the girls in my cabin and we were talking about why we loved camp and stuff and i cant express what a important place it is, so many of they where like "camp has made me who I am"
"I dont know who I would be without camp"
and just stuff along those lines.
I dont really know where I was trying to go with that thought other then I love camp.

kingsfold

2007-10-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

soo...Im 18 now, offically an adult and my life is legally my own.

Yesturday I had the lovely experiance of hanging out at Kingsfold retreat centre. When we first got there my good friend took me on a tour, we walked down this huge hill to where they have the stations of the cross and it was actually really neat, I would like to go back and have some time to work through the stations, then we had lunch (lental soup, it was really intresting) and then we had some time to go about and do what we liked, I decieded to go to there chapel which was actually really neat, in the centre there was this big stone and at the front there was a really cool cross made out of just some untreated logs. So I walked around in the chapel a little bit and found a candle with a dragonfly on it, and most of you know what i view dragonflies as a kind of spiritual symbol for myself, so i was like "k im gonna light this" so i had to search around through all there cupboards to find a lighter (i felt kind of rude but i really wanted to light it). I found one and after i put the light in my candle i decieded to take off my shoes to signify that I was standing in holy ground and that I wanted to be in a
"holy frame of mind"
so i sat down on near my candle and just looked at it and started thinking, and in the beginning of the day i was like "I know my thoughts are going to come back to all the things i am worried about but i dont want them to id rather have some sort of spiritual relvalation"
so anyway i started thinking and looking at the candle and thinking about the things im worried about, so i decieded to start praying about those things and as i pray in my head i deciede to pray outloud, so i start saying everything outloud and I pray about all those things and i ask God "when i blow out this candle please let it be a symbol of me getting rid off the worry and putting my trust in you"
so after a few minutes I blew out the candle. I was going to stay and journal and reflect on what just happened but someone else came into the chapel and kind of shifted my focus so i decieded to go for a walk.
I ended up in the "Grace notes room" which was a room they had set up hoping that people with a more of an art focus would come, they had some really neat pictures and stuff and it was cool, in there I journaled about being in the chapel and the candle and all that stuff and it was nice, after that i only had about 30 minutes before we(that would be Jen and myself) were going to meet to go do some reflection with the church that sponsored the day. So I decieded to go outside again and see if anything sparked my intrest, as i was walking i found a swing that looked over the cliff and the valley/river. I sat in the swing with the intention of reading a book that zoey gave me for my birthday but i ended up just looking and listening to the river, it was very nice.
after the half hour was over, i went to find Jen and we went and met with the 4 people from crossroads (thats the church)
We all sat and talked for a while and then the paster asked if anyone had anything they wanted prayer for, i piped in about how i need a job and Jen mentioned about how im going to africa, so we talked about that for a few minutes and then they prayed for me.
I cant say how NICE it was to have these people pray for me, usually i think praying outload is pretty hoky and fake and all that, which this stuff used the same "christian" langues most people use, but just the fact that they were from a church and they where praying for me and it wasnt over the top flaky christian langues was so nice, I've felt kind of shafted by church right now so I dont know that was a really cool experiance.

Jen and I talked alot about camp and it made me not so worried about going this weekend and we talked alot about possiable things that could happen when im back from africa and i got me SO stoaked
so that was cool.

why?

2007-10-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

okay this is not a rant so please dont read it that way.

Why are people the way they are? like why dont we care when we see other people hurting? i just dont understand.
The world has enough resources for everyone, why do we live so much over what we need? i just really dont understand. I really truely do not get this.

How do we change? the answer isnt hard but as north americans we've made the action of the answer very hard. we cant part with our things i dont get it.

following christ really is a big thing...like it extends to how we live and i know people always say "its a life style" but i mean it extends to how we live in such a deeper way...
I dont know how im going to do this, but the idea that it is a process gives me comfort, I really do hope to make my life a reflection of what i believe in all aspects.

the fear i have from not having a job is slowly seeping into other aspects of my life, now im very nervous about going to camp and very nervous about my friendships, i dont understand how all of a sudden i feel like a shiver puddle of incompatents.

Artic tundra

2007-10-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

(Happy Birthday Benjamin!)

okay so here we are, i quit kernals and i have a interview at a bottle depot tomorrow, my application should be in africa by now so hopefully i will here back from them soon, my passport was put in the mail today so yeah
thats the update.
I dont have a support letter written yet, i was hoping to get a template but thats doesnt seem possiable right now, so im gonna wing-it.

popcorn get your popcorn

2007-10-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

am I just drawn to Jobs where the employers are stupid messed up people who dont understand that "Full time" means MINUMUM 40 hours a week?

I'll be done at kernals on friday cause this is rediculous.

Tomorrow I am (hopefully) going to a mediation, I really need it, my spirit is tired cause my heart wont stop worrying.
I have a hard time seeing and understanding why africa is going to work out at the rate stuff is moving.

Im reading this book about "Peace Pilgrim" and she talks about how when you are serving other people your energy doesnt run out, and that makes sense to me. I wish some how I could survive by serving other people, Im buring out, loosing focus and getting really scared.

oh no you didnt

2007-09-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

sweet, so one day after I sent out my application I recieved a "revised finacial plan" and the cost for my trip has gone up and Im STRESSING.
I think I should be able to do it, but I dont know, right now im just wallowing in stress, cause as clarke said "when Lacey gets stressed she gets really stressed"

breathe.

I got a new job though, yay good earth cafe, and i should be able to get a part time job on top of that as well because the shift I will be working is going to be "6 am- 2 pm" crazy crazy

I just want to put out there that Laura Pope's blog is a huge inspiration and comfort to me, she's amazing.
http://popelaura.blogspot.com

humble pie

2007-09-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

So okay my application isnt out and i havent applied for my passport
goodness im really good at putting things off.
BUT
Brianne's mom needs to go get some passport stuff done so she's gonna take me with her tomorrow morning which is very good!

and the africa application hasnt gone out just cause i havent quite figured out how to get a money order in african currency yet but it will be out by friday FOR SURE

there are alot of questions and stuff to the africa application and i answered them all and stuff and iw asnt really going to show them to anyone but i ended up reading it to my mom tonight and she cried and said she was proud of me...which was really cool

Conner Q

2007-09-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

so today while I was at The house (coffee shop) I finished writing my application, and I'm actually happy with it, which is cool.
So it should be in the mail by monday.
crossed fingers,possitive thoughts and (what the heck) prayers would be very appreciated

one day next year

2007-09-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

so many moons ago Brianne and I where having a conversation in my back yard and I said something like "I cant believe that there is going to be a day next year where I can say tomorrow I am going to africa"

Everytime I think that it gives me chills.
and its scary because that day is coming (kind of) soon.
The other day I had my passport photo taken, my application is just being polished and I'm thinking about how I am going to word my fundraiser letter(which for the record I am totally dreading setting out I dont like that idea that i am going to have to ask people for money)
so I guess stuff is (kind of) coming together